Post by NaOnka Mixon on Aug 18, 2011 15:46:04 GMT -5
“We’re here on the beautiful beaches of Outcast Island where twenty of Survivor’s most memorable past players have assembled once again to compete for the title of Sole Survivor. We will see friendships form, alliances crumble, players lie, and people break down. In the end, one will emerge from all the dust with a check for a million dollars. 39 days, 20 outcasts, 1 Survivor.”
The twenty players from Outcast Island walk onto the beach already wearing their red and purple buffs. It would be a normal start to the season, but something’s different. Jeff Probst is nowhere to be seen. Instead, there stands a new man who has taken over the hosting reigns.
“Welcome Survivors to the beaches of Outcast Island. As you obviously tell by now, Jeff Probst is not here. My name is Carlos Bernard and I will be your host for this adventure. Since Julie Berry was invited back as one of this season’s contestants, the producers knew that the fans would not want to see the two of them drool all over each other this season, too.”
“But I see they have an even sexier man take over hosting this season” Julie interrupts. “Is there a Mrs. Bernard?”
Carlos, unfazed by Julie’s blatant advances, continues “You all may have just for the first time as tribemates, but it’s time to get started on the first challenge, already. For this challenge, you all will be having a water basketball brawl.”
Joel suddenly slams Chet into a nearby tree, “Hey! You need to pick it up. I will not lose this challenge cause you’re too slow to keep up.”
“Umm… Joel… the challenge hasn’t started, yet.” Carlos continues, “In this challenge, you will be paired up into five teams of two. Each team of two will face off against another team of two. In each heat, the team that scores the most baskets will win the match. The first tribe to win three of the five matches, will win immunity. Easy enough to understand? Ok, then let’s draw for spots.”
The first team of two from each tribe is seen in some shallow water with nets on each end of the playing field. Carlos further narrates the events for the future home viewers, “For this match-up we have NaOnka and Jimmy for Lantwan versus Jenna and JT for Klimbono.”
The camera thens cuts to NaOnka in a confessional, “Ah hell nah! I gotta be stuck wit’ Jimmy’s old ass for this?! I don’t wanna be carrying no old man through dis!”
The action then cuts back to Carlos at the challenge, “Survivors ready? Go!”
Jimmy and JT quickly run to the center of the field to get the ball while NaOnka and Jenna sits back to play defense. There’s a fierce brawl between JT and Jimmy over the ball and they change possession multiple times before a frustrated (and censored on broadcast) NaOnka shouts “F*** dis sh*t!” and rushes into the fray. She and Jimmy quick take control of the match scoring point after point.
The camera then cuts back to NaOnka in a confessional, “Damn, dis old man as weak as I done thought!”
We then cut to Jimmy in a confessional of his own, “I’m a football guy and this challenge is a sport just like football is a sport, so I will have the advantage since I have a history in football and since I’ve been heavily involved in professional football, everything in life will now relate to football in some way.”
The match ends with Jimmy and NaOnka scoring a clean sweep over JT and Jenna. JT, gets frustrated and walks off the field and disappears into the woods. Little do the players know, this is the last time they will see JT as he doesn’t return from his temper tantrum.
“Jimmy and NaOnka win the match for Lantwan!” Carlos announces.
Suddenly, we see Joel slam Chet into a nearby tree again. “You need to pick it up! I don’t want to go to Tribal Council cause you suck at challenges!”
“Joel… Chet wasn’t in that match…” Carlos interjects, “Let’s just move on. Next, we have Ace and Janu for Lantwan versus Sydney and Gillian for Klimbono. Survivor’s ready? Go!”
Sydney and Gillian rush to the center of the field while Ace and Janu lay comatose on the sidelines. This match isn’t even close and Sydney and Gillian just repeatedly score over a completely useless duo of Ace and Janu.
“Well, that was embarrassing,” Carlos remarks. “Let’s just move onto the next match. For this round, we will see Phillip and Crystal for Lantwan take on Misty and Matty for Klimbono. Survivor’s ready? Go!”
All four Survivors make a mad dash to the center of the playing field and it’s a hard fought battle, with possession of the ball changing multiple times. In the middle of the action, we cut away to Crystal in her first confessional and only confessional of the show, “Lantwan should win this challenge. There are four black people this season and we’re all on Lantwan. Everyone knows that we’re better at sports.”
Crystal’s overconfidence proves to be the downfall of their team as Klimbono wins what will have been the closest match of the challenge.
Carlos then introduces the next match “Right now, Klimbono has scored two wins and Lantwan has just one. For this match, we have Anthony and Steve for Lantwan facing off against Joel and Mary for Klimbono. Survivors ready? Go!”
Anthony, Joel and Mary run off to the center of the field while Steve, having eaten some of what Janu and Ace had earlier, is laying on the sidelines, comatose. Anthony fights hard in the challenge, but the duo of Joel and Mary is too much for him to handle as they’re taking possession of the ball and scoring multiple times. In the middle of the challenge, we see a visibly frustrated Joel run over to his tribe who is cheering him on from the sidelines. He grabs Chet and once again slams him into another tree.
“Why the hell aren’t you helping?!” Joel yells!
Chet responds, but just like Micronesia, no one cares what he had to say.
At the end of the match, Joel and Mary have decisively come out on top “Klimbono wins immunity!” Carlos exclaims.
Lantwan returns to their camp to discuss what they will do at Tribal Council. After Anthony, Jimmy, Phillip, Julie, and NaOnka drop off the dead weight that is their tribemates, the five of them start discussing which loser to get rid of first.
“They’re all pretty pathetic,” Phillip states, with the rest of his tribe echoing a sigh of agreement. “Jimmy, what do you think?”
“Football!” Jimmy exclaims.
“No, I think he means what do you think about the vote,” Julie corrects.
“If this were a game of football, Ace and Steve would have been cut from the team already,” says Jimmy.
“Den it sounds like one of those two bitches gots ta go,” proclaims NaOnka.
After an unusually quick deliberation, Anthony, Jimmy, Phillip, Julie, and NaOnka gather their belongings, pick up their dead weight tribemates and head off to Tribal Council.
“Welcome to Tribal Council,” Carlos announces as the members of Lantwan walk in. “In this game fire represents life, which I see only about five of you actually have. Once your fire goes out, so do you.”
The five conscious members of Lantwan dip their own torches into the fire and then dip the torches of their comatose tribemates into the fire, too.
“Normally this would be the time where I’d ask you all questions and tribal dynamics and your thoughts on the game,” Carlos starts, “but I get a feeling there isn’t much to talk about. Half this tribe is nothing more than a group of pathetic losers who will all be gone soon, anyway. So, let’s just get to the vote. Phillip, you’re up first.”
Phillip makes his way to the voting confessional, where he pauses, picks up the marker, and then writes ‘Ace’ on the parchment. He holds it up for the camera to read “This is the beginning of STEALTH Inc. And for us to be effective as a unit, we need only strong members.” Phillip folds up his piece of parchment and returns to the rest of his tribe.
Next up to the voting booth is Jimmy who also writes down Ace’s name and shows it to the camera “Football”. Anthony then follows suit and walks up to the voting booth, also casting his vote for ‘Ace’.
Next, we see NaOnka walk up to vote. She takes a minute to decide which name to write down “I’s tryin’ ta decide between Ace and Steve cause both you bitches suck. But Ace, you bald head done blind me at camp and you ugly, too. Get da hell out!” NaOnka shouts as she folds her parchment and places it in the urn.
Julie’s up next to vote. She smiles at the camera as she grabs the marker to write her vote. However, she doesn’t write down the same name as her other tribemates. Instead, she writes ‘Jeff Probst’ on the parchment and shows it to the camera, “Sorry baby, but I found a new man to rock my world. Carlos is all I need now.”
Julie folds the parchment, but before she can place it in the urn, a producer interrupts her, “Julie, you can’t vote for Jeff Probst. Not only is he not a member of your tribe, he’s not even on the show this season.”
“Fine!” Julie exclaims. “I’ll vote for that loser Ace, but don’t you dare try to come between Carlos and me. Our love is pure!”
After the five active members of Lantwan have voted, Carlos gives the comatose members of the tribe an opportunity to vote, but none of them do. “Alright, looks like I’ll just go tally these votes.”
After the shortest tallying in Survivor history, Carlos comes back with the urn. “Currently there are nine of you, but there are only five votes. So, I’ll read the five votes and that will determine which of the four dead-weight losers are the first to be evacuated from the game… I will read the votes.”
Carlos takes the top off the urn and grabs the first vote, “First vote… Ace, what a shock. Second vote… Ace. Third vote… Ace. Fourth vote… Ace. Fifth vote, and the first shell of a human being voted out of Outcast Island… Ace.”
“Ace, with five votes, you need to bring me your torch,” Carlos says as the other members of Lantwan realize that’s not going to happen. Anthony and Phillip pick up Ace and carry him over to Carlos as Jimmy grabs Ace’s torch and brings it forward.
Julie walks forward and wraps her arms around Carlos, “Don’t worry about the inactives honey, I’m still here. And I’ll always be here for you.”
While all other members of the tribe were distracted, NaOnka takes the opportunity to steal Steve’s socks from him. When the rest of her tribe looks back at her, NaOnka tries to defend herself “What da hell you lookin’ at?! These my socks! Don’t give me none of dat attitude!”
Carlos rolls his eyes as he realizes this is the group of castaways he’ll be stuck dealing with for the next 39 days. “Whatever, Ace, the tribe has spoken. Now get lost,” he states as he puts out the fire on Ace’s torch.
Anthony and Phillip drag Ace over to the staircase leading to the ‘Walk of Shame’ where they then just toss his lifeless body down the steps. Jimmy follows with the torch and just tosses it on top of the mangled heap of flesh that is Ace.
Carlos sums up the episode by saying, “Now that you’ve gotten rid of one piece of useless trash on your tribe, let’s see if the remaining members can rally and carry their excess dead weight to a win next round. Get some rest and I’ll see you tomorrow.”
Anthony, Jimmy, Phillip, Julie, and NaOnka pick up their torches and the lifeless bodies of Janu, Steve, and Crystal, as they carry all of that back to camp to get ready for the uphill battle they will be facing.
The twenty players from Outcast Island walk onto the beach already wearing their red and purple buffs. It would be a normal start to the season, but something’s different. Jeff Probst is nowhere to be seen. Instead, there stands a new man who has taken over the hosting reigns.
“Welcome Survivors to the beaches of Outcast Island. As you obviously tell by now, Jeff Probst is not here. My name is Carlos Bernard and I will be your host for this adventure. Since Julie Berry was invited back as one of this season’s contestants, the producers knew that the fans would not want to see the two of them drool all over each other this season, too.”
“But I see they have an even sexier man take over hosting this season” Julie interrupts. “Is there a Mrs. Bernard?”
Carlos, unfazed by Julie’s blatant advances, continues “You all may have just for the first time as tribemates, but it’s time to get started on the first challenge, already. For this challenge, you all will be having a water basketball brawl.”
Joel suddenly slams Chet into a nearby tree, “Hey! You need to pick it up. I will not lose this challenge cause you’re too slow to keep up.”
“Umm… Joel… the challenge hasn’t started, yet.” Carlos continues, “In this challenge, you will be paired up into five teams of two. Each team of two will face off against another team of two. In each heat, the team that scores the most baskets will win the match. The first tribe to win three of the five matches, will win immunity. Easy enough to understand? Ok, then let’s draw for spots.”
The first team of two from each tribe is seen in some shallow water with nets on each end of the playing field. Carlos further narrates the events for the future home viewers, “For this match-up we have NaOnka and Jimmy for Lantwan versus Jenna and JT for Klimbono.”
The camera thens cuts to NaOnka in a confessional, “Ah hell nah! I gotta be stuck wit’ Jimmy’s old ass for this?! I don’t wanna be carrying no old man through dis!”
The action then cuts back to Carlos at the challenge, “Survivors ready? Go!”
Jimmy and JT quickly run to the center of the field to get the ball while NaOnka and Jenna sits back to play defense. There’s a fierce brawl between JT and Jimmy over the ball and they change possession multiple times before a frustrated (and censored on broadcast) NaOnka shouts “F*** dis sh*t!” and rushes into the fray. She and Jimmy quick take control of the match scoring point after point.
The camera then cuts back to NaOnka in a confessional, “Damn, dis old man as weak as I done thought!”
We then cut to Jimmy in a confessional of his own, “I’m a football guy and this challenge is a sport just like football is a sport, so I will have the advantage since I have a history in football and since I’ve been heavily involved in professional football, everything in life will now relate to football in some way.”
The match ends with Jimmy and NaOnka scoring a clean sweep over JT and Jenna. JT, gets frustrated and walks off the field and disappears into the woods. Little do the players know, this is the last time they will see JT as he doesn’t return from his temper tantrum.
“Jimmy and NaOnka win the match for Lantwan!” Carlos announces.
Suddenly, we see Joel slam Chet into a nearby tree again. “You need to pick it up! I don’t want to go to Tribal Council cause you suck at challenges!”
“Joel… Chet wasn’t in that match…” Carlos interjects, “Let’s just move on. Next, we have Ace and Janu for Lantwan versus Sydney and Gillian for Klimbono. Survivor’s ready? Go!”
Sydney and Gillian rush to the center of the field while Ace and Janu lay comatose on the sidelines. This match isn’t even close and Sydney and Gillian just repeatedly score over a completely useless duo of Ace and Janu.
“Well, that was embarrassing,” Carlos remarks. “Let’s just move onto the next match. For this round, we will see Phillip and Crystal for Lantwan take on Misty and Matty for Klimbono. Survivor’s ready? Go!”
All four Survivors make a mad dash to the center of the playing field and it’s a hard fought battle, with possession of the ball changing multiple times. In the middle of the action, we cut away to Crystal in her first confessional and only confessional of the show, “Lantwan should win this challenge. There are four black people this season and we’re all on Lantwan. Everyone knows that we’re better at sports.”
Crystal’s overconfidence proves to be the downfall of their team as Klimbono wins what will have been the closest match of the challenge.
Carlos then introduces the next match “Right now, Klimbono has scored two wins and Lantwan has just one. For this match, we have Anthony and Steve for Lantwan facing off against Joel and Mary for Klimbono. Survivors ready? Go!”
Anthony, Joel and Mary run off to the center of the field while Steve, having eaten some of what Janu and Ace had earlier, is laying on the sidelines, comatose. Anthony fights hard in the challenge, but the duo of Joel and Mary is too much for him to handle as they’re taking possession of the ball and scoring multiple times. In the middle of the challenge, we see a visibly frustrated Joel run over to his tribe who is cheering him on from the sidelines. He grabs Chet and once again slams him into another tree.
“Why the hell aren’t you helping?!” Joel yells!
Chet responds, but just like Micronesia, no one cares what he had to say.
At the end of the match, Joel and Mary have decisively come out on top “Klimbono wins immunity!” Carlos exclaims.
Lantwan returns to their camp to discuss what they will do at Tribal Council. After Anthony, Jimmy, Phillip, Julie, and NaOnka drop off the dead weight that is their tribemates, the five of them start discussing which loser to get rid of first.
“They’re all pretty pathetic,” Phillip states, with the rest of his tribe echoing a sigh of agreement. “Jimmy, what do you think?”
“Football!” Jimmy exclaims.
“No, I think he means what do you think about the vote,” Julie corrects.
“If this were a game of football, Ace and Steve would have been cut from the team already,” says Jimmy.
“Den it sounds like one of those two bitches gots ta go,” proclaims NaOnka.
After an unusually quick deliberation, Anthony, Jimmy, Phillip, Julie, and NaOnka gather their belongings, pick up their dead weight tribemates and head off to Tribal Council.
“Welcome to Tribal Council,” Carlos announces as the members of Lantwan walk in. “In this game fire represents life, which I see only about five of you actually have. Once your fire goes out, so do you.”
The five conscious members of Lantwan dip their own torches into the fire and then dip the torches of their comatose tribemates into the fire, too.
“Normally this would be the time where I’d ask you all questions and tribal dynamics and your thoughts on the game,” Carlos starts, “but I get a feeling there isn’t much to talk about. Half this tribe is nothing more than a group of pathetic losers who will all be gone soon, anyway. So, let’s just get to the vote. Phillip, you’re up first.”
Phillip makes his way to the voting confessional, where he pauses, picks up the marker, and then writes ‘Ace’ on the parchment. He holds it up for the camera to read “This is the beginning of STEALTH Inc. And for us to be effective as a unit, we need only strong members.” Phillip folds up his piece of parchment and returns to the rest of his tribe.
Next up to the voting booth is Jimmy who also writes down Ace’s name and shows it to the camera “Football”. Anthony then follows suit and walks up to the voting booth, also casting his vote for ‘Ace’.
Next, we see NaOnka walk up to vote. She takes a minute to decide which name to write down “I’s tryin’ ta decide between Ace and Steve cause both you bitches suck. But Ace, you bald head done blind me at camp and you ugly, too. Get da hell out!” NaOnka shouts as she folds her parchment and places it in the urn.
Julie’s up next to vote. She smiles at the camera as she grabs the marker to write her vote. However, she doesn’t write down the same name as her other tribemates. Instead, she writes ‘Jeff Probst’ on the parchment and shows it to the camera, “Sorry baby, but I found a new man to rock my world. Carlos is all I need now.”
Julie folds the parchment, but before she can place it in the urn, a producer interrupts her, “Julie, you can’t vote for Jeff Probst. Not only is he not a member of your tribe, he’s not even on the show this season.”
“Fine!” Julie exclaims. “I’ll vote for that loser Ace, but don’t you dare try to come between Carlos and me. Our love is pure!”
After the five active members of Lantwan have voted, Carlos gives the comatose members of the tribe an opportunity to vote, but none of them do. “Alright, looks like I’ll just go tally these votes.”
After the shortest tallying in Survivor history, Carlos comes back with the urn. “Currently there are nine of you, but there are only five votes. So, I’ll read the five votes and that will determine which of the four dead-weight losers are the first to be evacuated from the game… I will read the votes.”
Carlos takes the top off the urn and grabs the first vote, “First vote… Ace, what a shock. Second vote… Ace. Third vote… Ace. Fourth vote… Ace. Fifth vote, and the first shell of a human being voted out of Outcast Island… Ace.”
“Ace, with five votes, you need to bring me your torch,” Carlos says as the other members of Lantwan realize that’s not going to happen. Anthony and Phillip pick up Ace and carry him over to Carlos as Jimmy grabs Ace’s torch and brings it forward.
Julie walks forward and wraps her arms around Carlos, “Don’t worry about the inactives honey, I’m still here. And I’ll always be here for you.”
While all other members of the tribe were distracted, NaOnka takes the opportunity to steal Steve’s socks from him. When the rest of her tribe looks back at her, NaOnka tries to defend herself “What da hell you lookin’ at?! These my socks! Don’t give me none of dat attitude!”
Carlos rolls his eyes as he realizes this is the group of castaways he’ll be stuck dealing with for the next 39 days. “Whatever, Ace, the tribe has spoken. Now get lost,” he states as he puts out the fire on Ace’s torch.
Anthony and Phillip drag Ace over to the staircase leading to the ‘Walk of Shame’ where they then just toss his lifeless body down the steps. Jimmy follows with the torch and just tosses it on top of the mangled heap of flesh that is Ace.
Carlos sums up the episode by saying, “Now that you’ve gotten rid of one piece of useless trash on your tribe, let’s see if the remaining members can rally and carry their excess dead weight to a win next round. Get some rest and I’ll see you tomorrow.”
Anthony, Jimmy, Phillip, Julie, and NaOnka pick up their torches and the lifeless bodies of Janu, Steve, and Crystal, as they carry all of that back to camp to get ready for the uphill battle they will be facing.